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| The Eternal Search for A Soul Mate |
"The First Law of Relationships: Nothing is guaranteed"
- Sugarwhite
"...To love is to risk not ((being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in my life is to risk nothing."
- Leo Buscaglia
Relationships Beyond Disney Fantasy
Life is full of risks. Relationships too are full of uncertainty and unknowns. The culture teaches us to search the universe for the ideal mate who will ride with us into the sunset. We are bombarded with this ideology from the time we become conscious of romantic love.
As a result, our romantic lives become what seems more like a Google search for the ideal companion. Just like Google, we punch in a few basic parameters and the algorithm provides us with the perfect match. But Alas! This ideal perfect person does not exist. We will inevitably be forced to make a reasonable compromise with that idea of perfection. We usually settle for someone less than our expectations. This can be a source of frustration for both men and women in romantic relationships.
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same.
- Rudyard Kipling
In the Disney fantasy good always triumphs over evil. The brave hero always slays the dragon on his way to claiming a beautiful bride. We have so much of this Disney fantasy in our heads which tells us to expect a noble knight in shining armor or a virgin princess with golden locks. We carry this perfectionist ideology from childhood into adult life. We perpetuate the Disney fantasy in our minds and our real-life romantic relationships. We often display a tendency for unrealistic expectations.
Importance of Loyalty In Relationships
Is it wise to build a romantic relationship based purely on love and affection alone? Love and affection are the underlining themes in Disney's perception of relationships. It's usually the trigger for the coming together of man and woman. While Disney highlights the "falling in love" it doesn't always place as much emphasis on the opposite side of the spectrum or the "falling out of love" or at least not to the same degree. And yet we know that romantic relationships tend to oscillate between these two extremes
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| We Can Build On Love and Affection |
The risk of a woman falling out of love is very real. How does a man today mitigate against such a high risk? Can men today afford to build a relationship based on love and affection alone? Let's ask an even better question. Are women willing to accept relationships based on love and affection alone?
Surely most women will expect their man to provide a little more than love and affection. With this in mind, should men be expected to do any less? Today love and affection appear to be a weak foundation for both men and women. So how do we build a solid foundation for relationships? There is simply no definite one-size-fits-all answer.
Marriage As The Foundation For Relationships
In some cultures, it is disrespectful to make advances to a young single girl without first declaring your honorable intentions to her family through her parents or guardians. To court a girl in most cases means that you have every intention to marry her. A man first has to make the approach and present himself as a potential suitor. It would now be up to the girl and her family to decide after careful consideration of the man's personality, family background, and standing in the community.
Unlike what is more common today, in this scenario, there is simply no room for "falling in love". Men would simply identify a woman they fancied and through an elder would make a formal proposal to the family of the girl. If the proposal is accepted this would lead to marriage.
In this way, marriage would become the foundation upon which every other thing is built including love and affection. It's fascinating to realize that our modern perception flips this narrative. Love and affection are now the foundations that eventually lead to marriage.
Which foundation is stronger for today's men and women? Already we have determined that neither men nor women are satisfied with love and affection as the sole basis of a romantic relationship so perhaps this is a clue to solving the puzzle.
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| Loyalty vs Love & affection |
How To Find A Loyal Woman
A man should be able to select a mate that is both loyal and respectful. These are two traits that every man needs in a woman. But how does a man identify a loyal woman? Here are just a few characteristics that may suggest that a woman is loyal:
1. She Makes You Her No.1 Priority
You never have to wait for her. She is always on point and on time. She doesn't place you at the end of the line or the bottom of the pyramid. She places you at the very top. She puts you first in everything. She values your advice and opinion. She is bold in letting others know just how important you are.
2. She Never Challenges Your Authority
She freely and willingly gives you the last say on most things. She allows you to lead because she trusts in your leadership. She makes room for you to play your natural role as leader, protector, and provider. For her, acquiescing to your will and your needs is the most natural thing to do. It is never forced.
3. She Is Always Willing To Compromise
The loyal woman has no absolutes when it comes to her man. There are no conditions, codes, rules, or guidelines. Everything is black and white. She provides peace of mind and is committed to making your life easy. If that means breaking a few rules here and there then so be it. In any case, she is always ready to make adjustments and cut corners for you. That is her way of honoring you as the man in her life. It's her way of showing you how special you are.
4. She Objects By Appealing To Your Emotions
A loyal woman can be intelligent, sophisticated, and enlightened. She can be an achiever and highly accomplished. She can have her own opinions, thoughts, and ideas. However, she never uses logic to win arguments with a man to whom she has given her loyalty. She understands that her power lies in her natural emotional influence. She will never engage in long debates. She is too conscious of the fact that the greatest tool for influencing your decisions lies in her femininity.
5. She Expresses Loyalty Openly By Words And Actions
The loyal woman is never ashamed of her loyalty to her man. She wears it like a badge of honor. She flaunts her loyalty everywhere she goes. She will go to extreme lengths to display her loyalty to you in front of her family, friends, and acquaintances. This is a woman who will cancel a trip or an engagement just to accommodate you. She will refuse gifts, advances, and overtures from other men. She will want to be seen with you at all times. She will use every opportunity to declare her loyalty without restraint before the whole world.
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| She gives her loyalty freely |
Conclusion
The loyal woman understands that her loyalty adds to her man's confidence and self-belief. Her loyalty also triggers his loyalty and he will compliment her by demonstrating his loyalty to her in any way he can. This creates a dynamic that supports the right conditions for a romantic relationship to work.
The loyal woman gives her loyalty freely and without hesitation. She understands that her loyalty honors a man's place in the relationship as the primary source of leadership, protection, and provision. A loyal woman does this with ease, charm, and grace.
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