How To End An Intimate Relationship

                                    

Sometimes Its Just Better To Let Go

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Introduction

One of the hardest things you can do in life is to end an intimate relationship with someone to whom you were once close to or maybe even loved.  It's such a tragedy and one of life's most an unpleasant situations. You have tried so hard and yet it has come to an end despite all your best efforts. This situation can arise for a wide variety of reasons but the bottom line is that the relationship can no longer meet the needs of one or both parties. All available options for salvaging it have been exhausted. Sadly the last and final option is to part ways for good.

I'm such a fan of getting things right the first time, especially when it comes to relationship. Relationships are so hard to establish and maintain. They take so much of our physical and emotional energy that it seems such a waste when things don't as they should. This is why we do everything possible to make it work. Getting things right in the beginning by choosing the most compatible mate helps avoid the conflict and controversy that usually lead to breakups. It also greatly increases the chances for a relationships success.  

In my opinion, the responsibility for determining success of relationships lies heavily on the men. It's the man's prerogative to choose a suitable and compatible partner. He has a responsibility to adequately prepare himself with the knowledge, information and experience that enables him make good relationship choices. This is because women rarely choose their partners. It's usually men that have the option to choose.

In this article I've listed a few tips that are important for men and women when going through the process of breaking intimate relationships. These tips are specifically meant to be applied to monogamous heterosexual relationships. This distinction needs to be made considering the diversity in modern relationships today. I started the article in true gentlemanly fashion by addressing the women first followed by men.

Ladies Wishing To End Their Relationship

1) Explain Your Reasons

A woman needs to have closure in any relationship for the reason that it  impacts her emotional health. Also it has an impact on dating and any future relationship she may wish to get into. Closure can come in many forms. It's all about healing, forgiveness and moving on. Close the old chapters with your Ex. Do it in the best possible way. Other men in future may be interested in how you handled this situation. It matters to men so much that they will ask the obvious question: What happened in your previous relationship? The answers you provide could impact your dating and threaten future relationships. 

2) Be Clear And Stay Calm 

When you have definite reasons why you want to end a relationship make sure your Ex understands it. They don't need to accept your explanation but make it clear to them in a gentle way. Ending a relationship is a matter of serious concern and it must be treated delicately. This is no easy task and the whole process places an emotion burden on both of you. For this reason its not something anybody should want to do too often. A history of broken relationships should be avoided at all costs. It's suggestive of other underlining issues and may be viewed negatively when you start dating again.

It's Not The End Of The World

3) Avoid conflicts or arguments

When ending your relationship try and avoid unnecessary drama. Never give in to wild behavior, ranting, shouting or screaming. It's best to meet in a neutral and safe location to pass your message with discretion and respect. Take pains to articulate your reasons. Stay calm and get your message across no matter how painful or unpleasant it sounds. This is much better than simply leaving without explanation. This creates a bitterness which is better avoided. Also resist the temptation to be drawn into arguments. You've made your decision so it's best to follow through accordingly.

4) Set New Boundaries

When you make the decision to leave the relationship it's important to leave his space and set new boundaries for yourself. Doing this also allows your Ex the opportunity to move on with his life. Setting new boundaries could mean, for example, collecting all your belongings and moving out of an apartment you share. It could mean avoiding a shop or restaurant where you are likely to bump into each other. Whatever the situation remove yourself from his space as quickly and as calmly as possible. This helps you avoid conflicts of emotion and hurt feelings. It also allows you space to think clearly and process all your emotions. This is not always convenient but you both need time to recover and heal. Healing prepares you to open up to the possibility of a new and better relationship in the future. 

When He Is The One Leaving You...

1) Accept It With Courage

It's not the end of the world. Regardless of how much you have feelings for this individual, no one is irreplaceable. It's always possible to love again and to be in an even better relationship. Again, your behavior in this moment may determine the outcomes when you start dating. Always end your relationship in the best possible way.  Remain cool, calm, and cordial. Accept his decision with respect and dignity.

2) Allow Him Explain His Reasons 

It's better to have a clear understanding of your ex's motives for leaving the relationship. There is no need to argue or trade blame. This will only create more negative tension between you. What's important is that you find some kind of closure and learn from the experience. It can be difficult leaving a relationship not  knowing why it ended. Yet there are times when we don't want to know. There is no right or wrong position here. Simply do what gives you peace of mind and allows you to move forward with confidence.

Let's also not forget that there are circumstance where it's not possible to get this information from your ex. Not everyone is capable or open to discussing with an ex to get closure on a relationship. Some people will be hostile or simply refuse to open up to any kind of discussion after a breakup. It’s something you cannot control. Accept it for what it is and move on. Rest comfortably in the fact that you did your best to act with honor and a sense of responsibility.

3) It's Okay To Try Reconciliation

It's never wrong to ask your partner to reconsider their decision. It's reasonable to do all you can to save a relationship before it ends. If you have to plead with him or make a case for your relationship then go ahead and do it with all passion and dignity. Be civil, and honest, and never sound desperate. However, accept any final decision courageously and simply move on when things don't work out.

4) Set Respectful Boundaries

If the decision is made to end the relationship then move on. Break all unnecessary contact with your ex. Set new boundaries for yourself. If this involves leaving his house or apartment or just taking another route to work it's important to withdraw from his space. This allows you time to heal and recover. Ending a relationship is always traumatic and difficult especially if it's someone you have had deep feelings for. Walking away is never easy but it's necessary. You must move on with your life.

Tips For Guys Wishing To End Their Relationship:

1) Be Clear On Your Reason

I think the value and importance of relationships have been degraded so much. Modern hook-up culture added to liberal feminism has diminished even sex to the point where it means little in building relationships. It's important to take relationships very seriously. Both parties should be deeply committed and deliberate about what they do.

Ending a relationship is just as important as starting a relationship because one ends where the other begins. If you are to break a relationship she must understand your reasons. This is honorable and gentlemanly. It doesn't necessarily mean you must justify your decision instead you are bringing the relationship to closure and not allowing room for blind speculation which serves both parties no good. Explain your decision in simple terms, clearly and succinctly. End the relationship and move on.

2) Be Definite in your decision

Take your time to consider your position. Ending a relationship should never be done in a hurry or on the spur of the moment. Leave the relationship the same way you arrived, with quiet contemplation and a great deal of thought.

Having made your decision it's important to stick to it. There is nothing worse than a wish-washy man who can't decide whether he is coming or going. Follow through with whatever you've decided. Be firm and consistent. If you allow a relationship to linger on in uncertainty you create a vacuum and futile ground for a toxic environment. Let your words match your actions.

3) Be civil in communicating you're decision

Most women do not handle bad news as well as men. You must set the stage properly and pass the message in the best possible way. Is there an easy way to tell your partner you are ending the relationship? No. It will always be difficult. However, try and show your soon-to-be ex the highest level of respect and appreciation by having a face-to-face conversation to break the news. Never use text messages and avoid phone calls.

Once your mind is made up...

A face-to-face meeting in a safe public environment shows that you are being transparent, open, and confident in your decision. It sends a powerful message that you are not only serious but have the intention to keep to your word.

4) Withdraw all your attention and avoid her space

Once your mind is made up and you communicate your intention it's then time to back it up with actions. It's necessary to ensure that you effect the breakup in practice. You need to make it clear that you are no longer a couple. This includes everything from packing out of a shared apartment to changing your relationship status on Facebook.

Some people may argue that it's better to have a gradual withdrawal over some time. This may look like a convenient option but it doesn't take away the fact that a quick separation is the best way to avoid prolonging the agony on both sides. It's also important to make sure you withdraw your time and attention, these being two things women demand most from men.

5) Don't Go Back

Be a man of your word. This means not going back on a decision you have made. If you have decided to end a relationship then end it and move on. The worst thing you can do is to reverse your decision. You will only create more confusion and possibly more conflict in the relationship.

Any man who is unable to be decisive in key moments comes off as weak and unsure of himself. You don't want to be that person. Don't be in a rush to make a decision. Take your time. But once you arrive at a position be decisive in taking the necessary steps and then move on.

When She Is Ending The Relationship...

1) Accept It Without Flinching. Always.

The rules for men are much different than the rules for women. I think it's unmanly to "fight for your relationship". Why? Because a woman who is ready to leave you has already created a conundrum. You will ultimately lose both ways.

If you allow her to leave then of course the relationship ends. On the other hand, convincing her to stay creates a power imbalance in the relationship in her favor. She now has more leverage because you will feel indebted to her. She will feel she can influence the relationship more because you inadvertently managed to increase her value and influence. This imbalance creates all kinds of problems for the relationship.

By convincing her to stay you have also found yourself accepting to make more compromises in the future. She will naturally want to cash in on this from time to time when she feels like it. As a man, you must maintain absolute control of your domain. If a woman ever asks to leave you please let her go without argument and contest.

2) Keep it respectful. Be cool and calm.

It's important to remain in control at all times. This is the hardest part of being a man. Women have the benefit of displaying emotion. It's in their nature and it works to their advantage. As a man, it does not work in your favor at all.

Interestingly, pop culture promotes an era of "emotional men" who are not afraid to display all their sensitivities before women. However, an undue display of emotion does not benefit any man whether at work or play. It hampers your ability to compete. It diminishes your level of respect among fellow men which is critical to your survival.

Emotions work against men in almost all competitive battlefields of life. If a woman wants to leave be calm in accepting her decision without undue emotion. Go a step further by making the disengagement process smooth, fast, and hitch-free.

3) Move On And Don't Look Back

As a man your self-confidence and charisma are important to your survival in the modern world. It's important to be aware of any negative or toxic influences that keep you from moving forward with a sense of purpose.

You've been cool and calm in accepting your partner's request to exit the relationship. You've responded boldly by maintaining an air of dignity and self-assuredness in your ability to move on. This is critical. The road doesn't end for you. You have to move on no matter what. There is just no room for emotional backsliding.

Real men take a hit but dust themselves off quickly and move on. Never doubt your ability to attract a woman who will be completely loyal to you. You have no time to sieve through the broken pieces of a past relationship. Keep going.

4) Avoid her completely but allow her to initiate reconciliation if necessary

If a woman leaves you then you must disconnect from her completely and move on. This means avoiding any kind of direct or indirect connections. For instance, you may want to avoid places where you are likely to meet.

Make room for a lengthy period when you completely disappear from her radar. Avoid her at all costs. This is good for you and good for her. It allows you time to redirect your focus. You can easily shift your physical and mental energies to other pressing tasks and challenges in your life.

Is there room for reconciliation with an ex? Yes. Nothing is impossible. After all, everyone makes mistakes. It's always possible to forgive mistakes. We all deserve a chance to make amends. But never let it be at your own expense. If she makes a strong appeal to come back ensure that the terms for her return are favorable to you and do not place you at a disadvantage or in a position where are unable to adequately control your domain.

5) Keep the focus on your purpose

A man who is 100% focused on his purpose and working hard towards it every day is less likely to be derailed by a woman who has opted to exit a relationship. Such a man will be "shaken but not stirred..." like a James Bond Vodka Martini.

Your purpose includes your personal goals and objectives. It includes all your wildest dreams and desires. The woman in your life should be someone who supports you in this direction 100% This may not always be the the case. If he decides to leave you it may be that She wants to pursue other goals and objectives. However, you must remain true to yourself. Stay on course. Focus on your purpose. Remember that achieving your primary purpose is a sure way to become the best version of yourself. This on its own will likely attract the right partner that compliments you and will make your success complete.

Conclusion

One of the greatest conflicts a man will experience is that of a woman trying to place herself as the prime focus of his life. Many relationship issues come from the fact that a man's value to a woman to an increasing extent is no longer being determined only by what he can provide in terms of protection, daily needs, and care. I believe it is also being determined by the level of attention the man provides to the woman in his life. You often find discontent from women who otherwise have most of all they need from their men. The general complaint is that they are not receiving the needed attention or emotional consideration.

No matter what the reasons are for breaking a relationship it's important for both parties, men and women, to show each other reasonable levels of understanding and respect. Breakup must not always be underlined by acrimony, conflict, and disputes. It is understandable that sometimes it's hard to contain emotions and act logically.

The solution lies in educating ourselves better, particularly the younger generation, and preparing adequately for relationships with all its turmoil and uncertainty. With better preparation comes the realization that there are general principles guiding healthy interaction in every relationship. Understanding these principles goes a long way in improving our decision-making. Better decision-making will then lead to higher-quality relationships which will in turn allow us to live much happier, healthier and more fulfilled lives.